Update from Gaza: Anderson Cooper HATES you.

Good afternoon, world. Another war brewing in The Middle East? How refreshing.

Rockets may be falling from the sky — somewhere in Tel Aviv right now, some edgy college kid is reading Gravity’s Rainbow and getting more and more paranoid with each turn of the page, because what better book to read during a bombardment (….Slaughterhouse-Five, maybe?) — but Anderson Cooper still has the time to make you look like a tool for all of Twitter to enjoy. And for that we thank Mr. Cooper.

Thanks, Anderson Cooper. Thanks.

And readers: I’ll be back with some articles later today. I promise. Really, I do….

— Jackson Williams.

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