I am in love. I am in love and I do not fucking care how corny these following words will sound. Of all the thoughts that I’ve ever had in my head — thousands, sometimes even millions, rush through that madhouse daily — not a one of them has rang as true as that one. It is encased in gold and is just as heavy. I am in love. I am in love with the same girl that I have been in love with since the the first time I laid eyes on her, seven years ago now and counting. When I first saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew. It was in a math class we had together, which for our generation has now become a common story. How many love stories spring up between two people who originally bond because of how inept they are at math? Probably more than I can possibly realize, but that’s a math question and I’m just a poor, lonely writer. I am in love, dear readers, and I have a message for the cynical ones that view themselves as part of the readership of Bored American Tribune: the “thunderbolt” is real, and I experience it every single time I get to see her beautiful face. You don’t know what “the thunderbolt” is? It’s that feeling that hits you when you see the girl of your dreams, and when you lay eyes on her your heart stops (as if you were struck by lightning, hence the name), all the air that existed in your lungs before disappears in a flash, as if that air was never really there at all, and of course you can’t help but notice that you’ve become unsure whether or not you have legs. You are hit in an instant by “the thunderbolt,” and there is no cure for this. I experience this every time I see Caitlin. I am in love, dear readers, I am in love. I am love with how beautiful she truly is, how that beauty can not be doubted, or debated, or called in to question and I was floored by her seven years ago and not a one of those seven years has lessened the impact all that beauty has on my heart. I am love with the fact that she is my best friend, not to mention the biggest supporter/fan of Jackson Williams, The Writer. Because of her I have the confidence to write my novels and get them published, and when that first novel of mine is published I am buying her a car that is not as easy to break in to. She fucking deserves a new car just as much as she deserves all the love in the world. A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. I love her sense of humor, especially when she draws me crazy animals that no rational human being could possibly think up — except, of course, her. I love her laugh. I love her body. I love how she has the ability to always be able to tell when I’m depressed or angry. I try to hide my emotions but no matter what facade I put up, no matter how clever the wall I build, she finds a way to tear it all down and show me endless amounts of love and affection and understanding. I love that she thinks every joke I make is hilarious, and I love how she calls out for me to do an impression for her at random. I always oblige, and I always oblige because I love hearing her laugh, that sweet music of hers that I can’t get enough of. I love her heart, I love her soul. You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. You can tell — dear readers — that I care nothing about sounding corny, because all these words are true. I am in love and I want the entire world to understand. I want the world to understand how I melt under the gaze of those blues eyes, pieces of the Pacific bottled down to the size of pennies, framed by endless long locks of blonde hair. I try to get depressed, but I hear her laugh and I forget all about the darkness (sometimes we writers get stormy, it comes with the territory). Over the course of those seven years I made a lot of mistakes but I learned a lot of lessons from them, and the thing I’ve come to realize is that I would like nothing more than to make her happy. I want to make her happy because I am in love with her, and I know she feels the same way. I love passion and her intelligence. I am in love. I am love with her because she makes me feel like a better person, and knowing I get to have her by my side helps me wake up in the morning. I am in love, I am in love, I am in love…I am lucky and I am in love, and I hate to sound like a bastard, dear readers, but I feel like I’m above you now and way, way, waaaaaaaaayyyyy classier: my girl, my love, my sweets, is the prettiest goddamn girl in the whole wide world.
I am in love, dear readers, I am in love. I WIN. Take it away, Bob:
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
— Bob Marley.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, beautiful. I love you & I’ll see you when I get home on the 26th.