Yes, this is a drawing of me as a piger, a half-pig half-tiger hybrid creature that my girlfriend conjured up because she’s, uh, creative like that. Let me explain: every couple has their little inside jokes, their bizarre quirks and beautiful, magnetic idiosyncrasies; the girlfriend and I? We have many of these little eccentricities. And they’re fucking hilarious, but only to us. One of these is the aforementioned piger, which she draws on everything from poems to love letters to empty cups of Starbucks. It’s great and it’s one of the many, many reasons why I love her. Now, being the responsible boyfriend that I am, I got my girlfriend many gifts for Christmas: two scarves, a watch, bath salts, some candles and a $25 dollar gift card to Bath & Body Works. I believe I did very well.
BUT: I’m Jackson motherfucking Williams, and that means that I dig going the extra mile. But what should I do?? As fate would have it, I was cruising through the (good) mall a few days before Christmas when I just so happened to spot one of those caricaturists you usually see drawing for idiot tourists just cruising along the boardwalk, taking in the bullshit air, and he was doing nothing. This caricaturist — cool dude, by the way — saw nothing strange at all with my request: draw a picture of me crossed with a half-pig, half-tiger freak animal. He did not blink nor shudder at my description of this foul creature.
“May I ask why, young man?”
“She’ll fucking adore it, that’s why. She’ll die from laughing.” (she did!)
“Love is a strange thing.”
“Do you want the piger to have your eyes?”
“….I hope so.”
— Jackson Williams.